im ok. im really ok.
i will take care of myself.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
together
i will take care of myself.
hey bitch,
need someone to teach you to be a human?
how dare you point fingers.
tsk tsk tsk.
fine, just run away.
just run away.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
i cant sleep. i cant eat. its day two without any food in my stomach. yet i dont feel a wee bit hungry. i have totally lost my appetite for everything, not only food.
its as though im living through a flashback of memories.
quit it. i gotta quit decieving myself. i gotta quit livin in the past. i gotta get over this.
its goin to be a lonely 19th birthday.
i hate roses. i hate bus 56. i hate singing. i hate oldham. i hate esplanade. i hate home-cooked pasta. i hate glass musical ball. i hate tekka market. i hate stitch. i hate heffalump. i hate army. i hate 'i believe' by david tao. i hate my room. i hate chihuahuas. i hate tofu donburi. i hate chunky monkey. i hate the zoo. i hate mango wallets. i hate pan pac & waterfront. i hate samsung. i hate postcards. i hate suzy's zoo. i hate self-made books. i hate neoprints. i hate garfield plasters. i hate starfruit juice. i hate that chunky ring. i hate my toe ring. i hate my top ear piercing. i hate that busstop. i hate the word, 'bum'...
cause all these reminds me of you.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
this shall be my last outburst.
from this day forth, i swear i'll be stronger.
thanks jiajia for the roses.
i really, really appreciate it.
minmin loves you :)
(note: the followin may not interest any audiences)
love started in 2004. it was our passion for serving our Father and our love for kids that brought us together. you were the only retard who will walk with me from toapayoh to yiochukang, takin photos and resting at busstops. i made my first cheesecake for you, but you didnt finish it. i made every excuse to go out with you, from visitin gigs to dinner.
things didnt go well. i cried everynight. friends were talkin abt you and you were at the lowest in your life. i sent you a song to cheer you up, without realisin that im already in love with you. we had our first disagreement, and you bought me roses just to say sorry. i wanted to give you up as there were more girls crazy over you. yet, i wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself.
finally, at a busstop, you didnt let me go home, and thats when our journey began. the first month was the sweetest - many roses, many kisses, many bear hugs, abundant love. sentosa, underwater world, planned manicure and pedicure, fabulous dinner - a first month anniversary and my first ever valentine with someone i truly loved.
gave you a doggy - scratchy, hopin that it'll be like a pet of ours. you always gave me whatever i wanted, puma jacket, roses, chocolates, heffalump set, chipmunks. you even gave me liang teh whenever im sick. you caught a pair of stitch for me, just because i wanted it. malacca was so much fun, shoppin and room service all night long. sweet bubble baths. i lost our couple ring, i cried but you didnt scold me. instead, you bought me a new one.
a precious moment musical ball. i still listen to it everynight. i hated you for being violent and egoistic. you hated me for being sarcastic, demanding, and unreasonable. we quarrelled and forgave each other many times. we suggested break-up for more than a million times. you told me this, "amos says nothing is forever, yet i choose to believe that you and i would have forever." now all i see is lies.
things got worse, we eventually went our own ways. i had to tell you that i no longer loved you. i had to see your negative traits then to let our memories hold us strong. i let you go. you cried, i cried. we struggled. and now, after 2 months, you finally moved on. like the wise one said, its a blessing in disguise! oh wells. im sure she'll make you happier, for i see that you guys share the same passion for singing.
today, i officially let you go. im taking back all the "fuck-yous" i said. im not holdin you back any further. you never see the tears i shed after you left. i held a brave front, i told myself i hated you. and the only reason is that i want you to find someone better. i cant take myself hurtin you all the time. sure, that slap you gave me was a painful one. and now you finally found someone better, someone who will love you more than i did, please. just love her more than you ever loved me.
why does it hurt so much? its just my pride and ego that has been bruised. and simply because, you were my first love, and i thought you were my eternity, my love, my world and my everything. thank you for that journey. thank you for lettin me see another side of you. thank you for lettin me realise that men never mean it when they say "forever". treat her good.
my fairy tale has ended.
time to move on to another chapter.
now, stop asking me alright.
the truth is out.
i just want the pain to go away, once and for all.
men think with their dicks.
dickheads. dickbrains.
men talk with their dicks.
dickasses. dickasses.
men's definition of forever lasts for 2 days.
men's definition of waiting is 2 hours.
before you ask me why im cryin, lend me a shoulder, offer me some tissue.
just let me cry.
i dont know why im cryin.
it must have been pride.
it must have been my ego,
to see him happier than me.
he moved on first.
shouldnt i be happy?
but no. instead, im cryin.
why. because he lied.
and simply because im a fool.
many thanks to those to offered a listenin ear, shoulder, hugs, whatever.
esp. lumjiajia, miss.dayah, huanghou, mr.president.
i think i might need to whine more now.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
YOU BIG FAT LIAR.
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU.
YOU LIAR!
i hope i dont ever see you again.
i want nothing to do with you.
im thrashing the memories.
and everything you ever gave me.
im throwing it all away.
im so damn wrong about you.
LIAR!!!!!!!!
I HATE YOU.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
i finally updated more photos on my flickr.
this post is goin to be random again..
assessment tomorrow. im so damn worried. i think i will pee in my pants.
please. just let everything be fine tomorrow.
finally got my schedules all planned out.
for the next 3 weeks, its nothing but assignments, studying and studying.
to serene: muggercore, here we come!
to faz: yay! we've got everything sort out now!
"meena, i love you. meena, i love you!" (fazelah, 2006)
broadcasted to everyone in the C and D class.
so damn hilarious.
the three Ps birthday bash is drivin us nuts.
"if we invite xxx, then yyy wont come. if we call zzz, then xxx, yyy and zzz will black face."
idiots, can you guys just be a wee bit nicer to each other?
its our birthday and yet we are in a great big dilemma of who to invite.
please, just make peace.
just for one night, ok?
dang. random bloggin is fun.
no agenda. just blog whatever that comes to mind.
i like :)
the Huang Hou's ROYAL committee 2006 is out.
-laughs.
here's the highest in the hierarchy:
FAZ - Royal Huang Hou
and here's her ROYAL royals:
Dawn - Royal Commoner
Denise - Royal Organizer
Felicia - Royal Jester
Meiting - Royal Rebel
Pam - Royal Typewriter/FBI
Pei - Royal Brain
Peiling - Royal Knight
Priscilia - Royal Assassinator
And the lowest in the hierarchy:
Yini - Royal Alarm clock/ Cat/ Whiner
(even Dawn the commoner is of higher status. HAHA!)
ok. thats cucalamama for you :)
since this is a cucalamama friendly post,
i just wanna extend my warmest love to denise :)
sweetie!
i hate to see you cry, and not be able to do anything, but offer you sweets and tissue.
i wish i could just burn his ass, (ok. maybe not...)
all i can do is to be there when the next teardrop falls.
hmm, im sure you know cucalamama loves you.
lighten up, inject some happiness into your blood!
we're all here with you yeah?
whats one ass when you have 9 other fantastic friends?!
you're loved lah!
oh yes. ah ting ah.
recover soon yeah? drink lotsa water.
youre really irritating when you're sick.
stop disturbin my keyboard lahs.
heehee. just kidding.
and faz. im sure your new movie was a great big hit:
Pirates of the Carribean, staring Keira Knight, Johnny Deep and Olando Blooming.
woooow. you rock lah.
THIS IS SO RANDOM.
i need to lose weight.
-whines.
Monday, July 24, 2006
omg! i totally forgot to blog about this last night.
i was at the airport, and what does that mean?!
GORGEOUS PILOTS!
totally yummylicious!
-slurps!
i dont know whats with me and pilots,
but i just think that pilots are HOT and gorgeous, especially SIA pilots.
damn.
the uniform just makes them even hotter.
:)
ok. maybe because i love to fly.
(make that, 'i wanna fly' instead)
but the thrill of being free, the thrill of poppin ears and all.
gawd. i just love pilots.
lumjiajia, find me a handsome pilot okieees?!
-smiles sweetly :)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
mama's home!
and she brought back a suitcase full of treasures!
from rl polo tees, to gucci handbags, to perfumes, to prada bags, to puma shoes.
omg. im fainting.
oh yes. if you havent heard,
im not going for challengers.
so, quit askin, alright?
i have better things to do.
like diving :)
(note: i hate stupid people!)
and she brought back a suitcase full of treasures!
from rl polo tees, to gucci handbags, to perfumes, to prada bags, to puma shoes.
omg. im fainting.
oh yes. if you havent heard,
im not going for challengers.
so, quit askin, alright?
i have better things to do.
like diving :)
(note: i hate stupid people!)
iLOVElumjiajia :)
baaah, nothing beats a childhood bestie.
ok. besides kristine, i have another bestie.
and thats lumjiajia, dorcas.
we practically grew up together.
from sunday school to where we are now.
i missed her so much!
nothing beats our telepathy.
we'll be each other's bridesmaid, and we'll go crazy at each other's wedding.
i love ya, stupid girl.
and stop smacking me!
no more big friendly giants, ok?
i dont like giants!
just some very random thoughts, since today's sermon was about 'husbands and wives',
lumjiajia and i thought hard.
so here's what ran through my mind.
are you goin to massage my back when i have terrible backaches?!
are you goin to lend me a crying shoulder?
are you goin to hear me when i whine?
are you goin to be my support?
are you goin to buy me flowers, sweets or even chocolates?
are you goin to cook when i fall ill?
are you goin to drive me around im feelin down?
are you goin to sing to me?
are you goin to love me with your heart?
cause if you are, then my question is,
where are you?
i think i need you now.
blah.
bad sermon topic.
just made lumjiajia and i think so damn hard.
i just want an answer to my question:
where are you, my prince charming!!!!!!!!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
guess what?!
MUMMY'S COMING HOME TOMORROW!
many many YAYS!
daddy opened my room door and asked me if i wanna drink heineken.
he's like, "mummy's coming back tmr, better hurry finish."
daddy, you rock lah.
thank you doctor simon!
samsung's recovering! many yays!
i promise to let samsung take her medicine and she shall eat more fruits.
enough junk food for her. hahaha.
had a mini amazing race yesterday.
went all over to ook for lanyards and beach ball.
opps. sorry fazzie. my fault!
didnt know that samsung needed so long with the doctor.
heehee. hope your event went well today!
dinner/supper at lau pa sat. yummylicious!
went to pathlight school today!
i had fun, though i looked so darn tired.
i must say, i seem to love these children more than normal children.
they just touch my heart more than others.
oh wells. there's so much i wish i could say about them,
but i just dont know how to express them.
had lunch with daryl after that.
bahhh. lousy you! wassup with macdonalds not accepting my $2 notes!
oh yes, dont be sad about your tennis ball ok.
told ya i'll get ya one and tie a nice red ribbon on it.
i love takethelift@156 :)
Thursday, July 20, 2006
i figured that ive been too impulsive recently.
be it in thoughts, actions or speech.
pardon me.
i bought another crumpler, and its HUGE.
i look like a turtle. but its nice ok!
big enough to dump EVERYTHING in!
i picked up the phone and gave my mum a call.
i just wanted to tell her that i love her.
hahaha.
went to zouk last night.
totally, totally last minute.
my goodness. we reached there at 12.15am.
woah. and the queue was terrible.
all those horrible nus freshies.
went to mambo and got high. (laughs out loud!)
pei and i was dancin our ass off and laughin at every action.
(especially the venus song)
oh wells. it was fun. a refreshing change.
maybe we should do this more often..
rnb and oldschool music...
pei stayed over. and we so couldnt wake up this morning.
we snoozed the alarm over a million times.
nearly died in fm lecture. was tryin to keep my eyes open the whole time.
oh yes. I SAW JAS YESTERDAY!
take the lift at 156
omg. dont ask me whats that. i wont answer. hahahaha.
we made many videos, and they are hilarious!
i love you guys! (:
oh yes! we have a blog!!
but its in a mess now...
oh wells. oh wells. i wish we could meet up everyday!
oh. peipei gave me a rose, i gave her an orange daisy.
and we gave jas a red daisy!
im happy happy happy!
-whines.
i should go to bed, its only 11pm and my eyelids are closing.
im terrible sleepy and tired.
math learnin centre tomorrow!
we'll do well! we have pretty flowers.
especially the windmill. HAHA!
Monday, July 17, 2006
if you dont know, my laptop "crashed", went crazy and gave me a heart attack last night.
but its workin now.
thank goodness for system recovery.
still, im transferring everything out, and makin sure i have a backup.
and, im reformatting the whole darn laptop.
-whines.
thanks to all who observed one minute of silence,
its out of the coma stage now.
:)
mama left for shanghai this morning.
as usual, me and my big fat ego.
i stood at the gate, hiding my emotions.
when she got into the cab, i cried like mad.
oh wells. seperation anxiety.
its been a long while since she last left for a business trip.
but its workin now.
thank goodness for system recovery.
still, im transferring everything out, and makin sure i have a backup.
and, im reformatting the whole darn laptop.
-whines.
thanks to all who observed one minute of silence,
its out of the coma stage now.
:)
mama left for shanghai this morning.
as usual, me and my big fat ego.
i stood at the gate, hiding my emotions.
when she got into the cab, i cried like mad.
oh wells. seperation anxiety.
its been a long while since she last left for a business trip.
merekat mummy and merekat baby.
i hate to say this, but i think i miss my mummy..
i went back to church yesterday.
and boy am i glad!
its an overwhelmin joy.
with pregnant mummies around me, and workin with gracestar juniors..
i hope life falls back into place.
***
a thousand times ive failed
still Your mercy remains, and should i stumble again,
im caught in Your grace
everlasting,
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending,
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else.
my purpose remains, the art of losing myself in bringing You praise.
everlasting,
Your light will shine when all else fades
never ending,
Your glory goes beyond all fame
in my heart and my soul,
Lord I give You control, consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise beome my embrace to love you from the inside out.
from the inside out
Lord my soul cries out...
Lord my soul cries out...
from the inside out
hillsongs united
enough said.
im comin back to heart of worship.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
AHHH!
im SO DAMN PISSED.
i'll make you regret your words.
URGHHHH!
you all two-faced bastards!
control the fuckin mouth of yours.
you think you're real good huh.
i'll see what you can do ON YOUR OWN.
i'll watch you fall, i'll watch you screw the whole damn thing up.
and i'll laugh my ass off.
you pathetic bitch.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
oh gawd.
there's so many things to blog abt.
wednesday, 12july
m/m lesson plan was totally screwed up.
see, im just not musically talented. not even for teachin children.
but, the day got better.
went to esplanade with meiting to catch vocollision!
i simply love their voices! :)
meiting won a latte, cause she managed to "guess the song title".
went to harrys. drank beer, talked alot.
and simon's really funny,
most of his jokes require thinking. lol.
thursday, 13july
met junhong for dinner.
went to town to check out crumpler.
gonna get it next week! yays!
figured that he's a great shoppin kahki, with an expensive taste, like me. hahaha.
we need to go shoppin again ok?!
friday, 14july
joanna's birthday celebration.
Happy Birthday GIRL!
pei, pea, purp, joanne, gao de, dexian and i celebrated it with her!
had dinner at pepper lunch, and ate more at a food fair in PS.
went to ben & jerrys @ cathy.
saw a live band perfomin.
suddenly, peacock, pei and i had an idea.
we'll have our birthday celebrations there!
how cool is that!
so, we borrowed dexian's lappie,
and started takin a hell lot of photos for our invitation cards.
i must say, I LOVE THE PHOTOS!
im so darn excited. its the 3Ps birthday bash!
THE THREE Ps! i love you guys!
saturday, 15july
went to the zoo with daryl.
octy jas didnt come along! -pouts!
oh wells. took many many pictures!
i feel somewhere nearer to a pro now!
haha, ok. i was just kidding.
had loads of fun, snappin animals, and being a model.
hahaha. lots of adorable children today!
credits: daryl and his really heavy camera
ok. so i had lots of fun for the past few days.
i guess it should be a good thing huh!
meiting's concert tmr!
gambatte! hope your competition went well today! :)
getting pissed with blogger. takin nearly forever to upload photos.
i give up! shall try again tmr.
Monday, July 10, 2006
its as though im riding an emotional roller coaster today.
im going a little mad here.
kris's back.
like mad idiots, we screamed really loud at the bus stop today.
omg. no one knows how much i missed her.
no one listens better.
no one is a better bimbo.
im over the moon to know that she's doin real fine,
clubbin her ass off, gettin drunk and goin all mad.
sounds like my kind of life.
just that we do it in different continents.
as usual, i complained alot to her.
from friends to school work to heartbreaks to cute guys.
its as though she was there to walk thru the entire shit with me.
its amazin why she understands.
(hugs!)
maddness.
we had so much fun in town today!
bought her lunch at sakae.
ate all the chawanmushi available.
went shoppin after that.
walked into MANGO. gawd. the sale's still on!
she's like, "im gonna buy you your birthday present. gonna make up for last year, this year and next year."
so we happily grabbed, tried on clothes, laughed and yeah,
she bought me many many stuff (:
she's da best!
shall just end off with a song.
Coco Lee - Before i fall in love
(a song that faz and i enjoy singin in front of the mirror)
my heart says we've got something real
can i trust the way i feel
cause my heart's been fooled before
am i just seeing what i want to see
or is it true, could you really be,
someone to have and hold
with all my heart and soul
i need to know, before i fall in love
someone who'll stay around
through all my ups and downs
please tell me now,
before i fall in love.
i'm at the point of no return
so afraid of getting burned
but i want to take a chance
please give me a reason to believe
say, you're the one
that you'll always be.
it's been so hard for me
to give my heart away
but i would give my everything
just to hear you say...
Sunday, July 09, 2006
no. it isnt headache.
its migraine.
-whines
im poppin aspirin as though im poppin tic tacs.
(if you dont know, im allergic to paracetamol. so no panadol!)
this is bad.
this is very, very bad.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
im havin chunky monkey now despite the headache and the cough.
its absolutely heavenly!
im sure the ice cream will make it all go away!
i love ben&jerrys.
and kristine called.
that made my ice cream EVEN sweeter and tastier :)
im a happy, happy, happy girl!
the weather has been terrible.
so, drink more water, drink more juice.
i reccommand - watermelon juice.
i shall blog about tiffany.
-laughs.
talked to her on thursday on msn,
figured that typin was a little tough,
so she called me.
talked alot, laughed alot.
then had a conference call tog with morgan.
i think we freaked him out,
like totally.
hahaha.
he didnt believe that we are classmates.
went on to talk about some personal stuff,
blah blah blah.
then miss lim had to go to the washroom.
morgan and i continued talkin on msn.
ok, i shall say this.
TIFF:
thanks for listenin that night.
i dont know if whatever i said made any sense to you,
cause i wasnt talkin right, i was more of repeatin my words.
but, you know how i feel inside.
thanks. i really needed your love and support!
ecp on friday! our date is still on!
rock on babe! :)
MORGAN:
also, thanks for listenin that night..
thanks for your concern, encouragement and msges!
thanks for being so sweet, mr superman!
you're simply the best!
yes, you're gonna work hard and be a pilot.
im countin on your promise! :)
MEITING:
band competition and concert comin up.
i give ya my full support!
you're gonna take care of your health and you're gonna play your best on both days!
pumas are all behind you!
look forward to your sunflower!
FAZ:
hmm, i know, the weather's bad, you're tired, stressed and overworked.
sometimes, its good to just let go of your emotions,
you'll feel better.
take a step back, breathe and you'll see many others who care :)
think happy thoughts ok?
many hugs!
PEI:
we're highly stressed, lpc cant meet up.
we'll hang in there, enjoy our birthday celebrations and have lotsa fun.
im thankful that you're in my life.
thank you for makin life so much more enjoyable!
chinadoll!
JAS:
aye, i miss you! hope you're feelin much better,
physically and emotionally.
lpc loves ya lots.
B&J tog ok!
PCOCK:
work sucks, i know. we'll find a way for you to stop working.
bettin soccer with you was so much fun!
we're the soccer kahki ok!
study hard, and we'll go turnin machines soon!
PURPLE:
hey girl! work hard at the pet shop!
i wanna go see the jack russell!
how's blackie 1 & 2?
take care of your health ok?
i miss ya! :)
DARYL & JAS:
zoo outing ok?
jas, we'll make daryl a professional photographer!
he'll be able to snap pictures of animals and human!
dang! he'll be hot in demand!
we're such good models!
GAMBATTE for school!
ok, thats enough personal notes.
kristine has yet to call.
im sad.
oh wells, i hope she'll call soon.
-pouts
im finally gettin happier,
im finally crawlin out of the tunnel of darkness!
i no longer care if you give a damn about me.
i no longer care about you.
for ive learnt that you dont deserve any bit of my sympathy, my concern, my time and my life.
you mean nothing, absolutely nothing to me.
out.
you're out of my life,
finally.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
AH.
i kicked the table and my toenail chipped.
its damn painful can?!
-fainted
growls.
ok. i felt like changing my blogskin.
just for the fun of it.
bahh.
kristine's coming back tomorrow!
-laughs happily
after like a million years,
im finally seeing her (:
suddenly, i cannot remember what i wanted to blog about.
oh yah.
ive been real moodswingy for the past few days.
not quite in the mood to talk.
so, im real sorry if i was mean to anyone k?
BAH.
must be the weather.
blame it ALL on the weatherman.
lets talk about yesterday...
went out with pcock, purple and pei.
wanted to catch a movie.
ended up at the arcade.
(its because there wasnt a movie that we liked. OK?)
pei and i combined luck and tried to get something.
(keyword: tried)
we were addicted, and we didnt want to give up.
not like when we were so close to getting JACKPOT.
so, money fly, fly.
by 8pm, we were already broke.
well done.
so we left the arcade with a BIG bag of sweets and an empty wallet.
haha.
all in all,
we collected 910 (read: nine hundred and ten) sweets.
gawd. im so not eating fruitplus again.
ok, maybe i will..
and 18 lollipops, 4 boxes of biscuits, 7/8 packets of other nonsense munchies.
2 stitch softtoy and a cute lookin cat.
yes, nine one zero sweets right smack in your face.
now, pose with the cute lookin things.
poor people share big gulps for dinner.
and superman returns...
battle of the "act-cutes"
hammy and pammy.
no wonder this is a gay show.
pcock got punched by superman...
during SCV on tues, fazzie and i went mad and started taking lotsa retarded photos..
SCV was real boring, and we didnt exactly care about social values you see..
photo 1 : act cute 
photo 2 : act emo
photo 3 : no purpose 
photo 4 : ok, i gave her a real stupid face.
ok, we took many more photos.
but the rest are rather.. confidential.
hahaha. make do with 4 of the best. heehee
okieees.
i forgot what i wanted to blog about already.
i really forgot.
dang...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
awesome weekend :)
fruitpunch, ben&jerrys, mahjong, dancing, laughing, macdonalds, sleeping, soccer, doing splits, hardgay-ing, making cornflake cookies, homecooked dinner, a long walk with juu.
a weekend with a twist.
no alcohol, no heartache, no pain.
just a hell lot of fun.
(aye, i dont wanna sit there next time round. grrrr. stupid shi-shan yao. jinxed cards!)
LPC (:
back to shit life tmr.
i hate school.
and all you superficial bitches/bastards.
all the yucky assignments,
and an engine that needs immediate replacement.
gawd.
monday blues.
wooots! check chris out!
ok, we were high on fruit punch. and the awful music that drove us nuts.
pure madness. we are so darn kpo huh. heehee.
i had a haircut last week.
boo. no one realised.
only xing saw the difference.
hahahaha.
peipei, peacock and faz ALL had a haircut.
ok. that was not important.
this must be the record breaking speed.
i photoshop-ed this photo,
uploaded it,
and changed my blogskin.
all in 30minutes.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate you.
i hate every bit of you.
why?
its because you didnt care, you didnt bother, you were plain selfish, and you thought what you did was right.
but im tellin you now,
ALL you did was wrong.
and it caused me nothing but pain.
everyone understands.
but you.
nothing you do will make things right again.
fuck you and your guilty conscience.
and im sayin this because,
i hate you so.
RAH.
ok. i dont feel like blogging anymore.
im enterin depression.